Biker Goddess Bio
Hi, my name is Laura and I'm a biker goddess.
February 1973 I was born a regular goddess in Springfield, MO. February 2001 I became a biker goddess in Dallas, TX. My love of motorcycles began as a child, when my dad would ride around the neighborhood with me on the tank. Everyone else stood on the porch and yelled about him endangering my life. Along the way, I dated guys with bikes, but never had one myself. There was always a reason not to get one - not practical, broke, didn't know how to ride, and so on.
I looked a couple of times, but never fell in love with a bike. They were ok and I would have been happy, but I was never moved to buy one. I started going through that 'phase' again, but this time, ☺I had money. I did some research (on the Internet, of course) and picked out a couple of bikes I thought would be good for a beginner, based on reviews. Then came the real test - which one looked best? (I'll admit I'm a girl....)
The Honda and Yamaha were nixed - too ugly. But the Blast? Sexxxy...
Although several people offered to help me learn how to ride, I signed up for the Motorcycle Safety Foundation (MSF) class. Had to wait two whole weeks. I don't think anyone took me seriously until I passed the course, got my endorsement, and had the bike delivered (what? ride on I-75 or 635 my first time on it? no way...). I left work on time every day for a month ☺
While I had been thinking about it for years, I apparently managed to hide that from everyone who knew me. Everyone was shocked, without fail. For two months, my brother would start every conversation with "You're insane, do you know that?" What made it particularly hard is that we work together. So conversations would go something like this:
Me - "Hey, I need blah, blah, blah for something I'm working on. Could you do that for me?"
Him - "You're insane, do you know that?"
Me - "Yes. Can you do blah, blah, blah for me?"
Him - "Yeah, I'll send you an email. I can't believe you bought a motorcycle."
And of course anyone within earshot would pop up like a prairie dog and exclaim "You got a motorcycle?!" and then proceed to tell me about every motorcycle accident they knew about. Mom would call my cell phone every time she heard there had been an accident involving a motorcycle, regardless of what state it was in.
One day she called because she'd seen a guy in an accident on a bike that looked nothing like mine and wasn't anywhere near where I lived or rode. I was out riding, so it went to voice mail. When I stopped for a light, I heard that I had a message. I pulled over, and being the lazy sort, didn't take off my helmet, but called her back on the speakerphone (without listening to the message first, just used the number in caller ID). She couldn't understand me, so I hung up and came home, not thinking too much about it. When I called an hour later, she thought that even though she knew it was a guy, I was somehow hurt because she couldn't understand me and I hadn't called back. Thankfully she quit doing this after a few weeks.
9/28: I've found something new for Mom to worry about ☺ My latest toy is a Glock 9mm (I don't get why people think I'm intimidating...) CHL and tactical courses are scheduled. When I get good enough, I'll be entering competitions. Either that or I'll get bored with it.
9/30: I took the pistol out for the first time today, and those are the results below. As you can see, I was at about 6 yards and went through 70 rounds. You can see where I started to get tired. And it looks like I'll have to cut the fingernails down too. (Note to self: get a hobby where the nails aren't in the way...)
10/23: Just got back from Thrills in the Hills, a weekend packed with things Buell. Saturday morning we met up at Austin HD/Buell, which is apparently the only dealer in the state that does not have a huge-ass sign right on the highway. I followed the food truck (I'm not stupid) in my car and missed the 160 mile ride to Leakey with it's associated accidents. In fact, my only injury was Sunday night (after a great day of riding) when a pit bull charged me and knocked me into a pile of rocks (ok, she just wanted to jump into the hammock with me, but it makes a better story the other way). Hope everyone who took a tumble is feeling better. Luckily nothing too serious. One of our gas stops is pictured below.
11/4: Just got home from my tactical pistol course with Options for Personal Security. Over 20 hours of instruction on fighting with a gun. I think this course should be mandatory for the CHL (which I'll be taking in two weeks). I learned a lot about my gun, my limits, and myself. Most importantly - if you use reloads, make sure they're the right size. Secondly, lean into it (note to bad guys: I'll start jamming after about 200 rounds. But until I get tired, don't piss me off <see below>) I had a great time, but I know I'll be feeling it in the morning. Especially the paintball to the inner thigh...
11/28: Been too lazy to do updates recently. Passed the CHL course. Beat two little kids in my first steel plate match. (shooting metal targets instead of paper ones) No kids in the second match, so I came in last.
12/14: Still too lazy to do updates. I did change the navigation bar. Mostly because the chat program sucked. Hosted a bridal shower last weekend. I think she enjoyed it. Too bad she was sick.... Big motorcycle show this weekend - hope it warms up some.
12/31: <it's morning, so it's not like I'm doing this update on New Year's Eve because I have nothing better to do> Motorcycle show was mostly a waste, but I did get to sit on the Firebolt. I can touch my toes and it's otherwise comfortable to sit on. We'll see how that raise goes this year.... Took a friend to a steel plate match yesterday. There weren't any little kids to beat, but I did beat her ☺Of course, standing outside in 20 degree weather for 3 hours makes everyone a poor shooter. (and probably stupid)
01/05: This weekend I'm participating in a Personal Protection class. Basically, it's a high-level bodyguard class. I play the 'principle' who is the client, aka VIP, aka target. You would think the only injuries would be to whoever was playing the bad guy. Unfortunately for Hany, Ed drove over his own guy's foot. Playing the target, I get grabbed a lot. In lots of places. Been awhile since I had that many guys' hands on my ass at one time... Cindy, however, went a step further and grabbed the twins.
We'll see what tomorrow brings ☺
01/06: It must have been something I said yesterday, because everyone seemed to grab for my arms today... And Hany either wanted to prove his foot was fine or thought I needed a little more exercise, since he dragged me WELL out of harms way each time. At least he didn't trip me (technically, I caught my foot in a hole, but isn't their job to protect me?) I'll post pics on the gun page, when I get copies. I was told they were horrible pictures, when the commenter thought that someone other than me had taken half of them. Then it was the film's fault.
01/15: I was getting too many funny search strings, so I moved them to the Observations page. Also fixed the broken links. Damn, this website stuff is a lot of work.....
01/28: I'm start work on a shooting tutorial that I hope to have up this week. Took pictures for it Saturday, after having my hair done. It looked really nice, right up until I got out of the car. Then the wind got hold of it. But I think we got the color right this time (and I learned to never chemically treat my hair myself). Oh, and this Friday is my birthday.
02/22: I am getting old. Didn't get IDed once. Guess the good news is I can buy lottery tickets now without hassle.
I didn't like the pictures, so you don't get to see them. I love my hairdresser, though. She doesn't like me wearing a helmet right after she does my hair, for some reason. Speaking of, it's starting to warm back up. Made it to the Goose last week - there were about 150 bikes. Even though I won my last match, I might have to give up the gun stuff for the spring ☺ I've gotten several complaints about the blues on here, so there might be a new look coming soon. Or, it might go the way of the guide...
03/15: Apparently the fumes have gotten to me, since I did my own hair again. How is it that I can follow her directions to the letter, use the same products, and STILL not have it turn out right?
04/22: Still recovering from this weekend's Defensive Knife course. The one weekend in over a month it doesn't rain and I'm too sore to go riding. I think I'll stop taking classes that involve any grabbing, hitting, or kicking on me.
04/27: Finally got around to changing out the pipe. Also fixed the broken speedometer sensor and changed bars. Here are some pics. Wait until you hear it, though J oh, and many, many thanks to Kyle for 'helping' with the upgrades. Did I mention it was loud?
05/26: A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to be a Range Officer at the 'Glock Match' held here in Dallas. Even though I was sick and the humidity was 100%, I had a good time. Unfortunately, we thought it would be a good idea to go ahead and shoot at the end of the day. Based on our performance, we've decided to change the team name from "Kiss My Brass" to "The Short Bus Kids"...
10/11: Lessee, what's happened in the last 4 months? I was officially diagnosed with asthma - it only took passing out once to go to the doctor, too. Cholesterol is normal, but some advice: don't have lunch at Braum's just before having bloodwork done. They'll make you come back to make sure you're not diabetic. Officially not diagnosed with cancer. Suggestion to the doctors: use anesthesia if you're going to cut on someone.
Also old and sick, Prissy has been diagnosed with kidney failure. No insurance and over a thousand dollars. Plus, I get to stick her with a needle every day. Her latest bloodwork is good though, showing some improvement. Everyone loves her at the vet's.
Took a small break for Thrills in the Hills II at the end of September. Rode down on the bike this time. I tagged along with two Harley riders and their wives. Lost two quarts of oil without a trace. Stayed in Austin Friday night and was at the dealer when they opened the next morning. They couldn't find any leaks and the compression test was fine. No idea where the oil went. Since I'd put car oil in (four choices available at Podunk Stop N Go) I had them flush it before leaving for Leakey. They had it ready in time for me to leave with the group (Thank you!) and it was an awesome sight seeing so many Buells together at one time.
We stayed at the same campsite as last year. Only there was a little confusion over the sleeping arrangements this time. I shared a cabin with <gasp> two married men. I think with all the gay jokes flying I was pretty safe, though... My accomplishment for the weekend was bring only a single bag. First time in my life. Hell, I take three bags to work.
The weather was great and we headed out after breakfast. No too far into the ride, we came up on the first injury of the weekend. Dan went into a corner too hot, hit gravel, and shredded his safety gear. Bike not too badly hurt, and the safety gear did its job. Some cuts and bruises and major soreness, but overall, not as bad as it could have been. Like injury accident #2.
Allan also went into a corner too hot, only he hit the stone wall. When I pulled up, the bike was facing me, but I could see the dash :-o Some other guys in the group were sitting around, so I was sure he was dead. And then I see him waving from the top of the wall. Shredded his safety gear, but again, no serious injuries.
03/27: Ok, I haven't made any updates 'til now because I didn't feel like finishing the TitHII stories. But that doesn't mean I haven't done anything! Of course, I can't really remember what it was I did do. Probably a sign of old age. One of my 'accomplishments' has been turning 30 (and living to tell about it). This prompted a total overhaul - diet, tan, new haircut, and soon, new braces (yes, I knew it was coming when I refused to have my wisdom teeth taken out. So what.) I'm not really sure how I can look so pale with a tan, but there you have it. Took about 6" off the ends, but of course, left enough to pull back under the helmet. My own brother failed to notice, so he'll hear about for the next few months, at least.
One sad note (well, sadder than me turning 30) - Ashes had a heart attack at the vet's when we went in for his vaccinations. Since I'd gotten him as a stray, we never knew how old he actually was. Turns out he was pretty old and had had chronic heart disease for years (yes, I know that's the definition of chronic..). His heart was 4 times the size of normal and the stress of the vet visit did him in. He's been cremated and now I have Ashes' ashes.
On the way up, he and Magic wouldn't stop with the howling. I got some odd looks at the tollbooth, for sure. I think Magic was scared something would happen to him and didn't make a peep on the way home. We had no idea why Ashes died initially, so I kept poking Magic in the tummy on the way home, to make sure he was still alive. I think it's payback time, because now he likes to wake me up by batting me in the face with his paw. I used to think I'd want to come back as one of my pets when I died, but I'm thinking that's not such a good idea now: one cat gets daily injections, one croaks unexpectedly, and one is neurotic.
In February, I made it as Website of the Month in Thunder Press:
Biker Goddess (www.bikergoddess.com) is a Buell rider named Laura who lives in Dallas. Be very careful though, cuz she's packin' some heat and she's a helluva good shot. The Articles section has several subcategories about riding and it's the only site I found with a section on Rider Etiquette. Do as she says, or she might shoot.
11/20: Ok, so I haven't really been keeping up with my site... In my effort to not be recognizable, I chopped all of my hair off several weeks ago. *All* of it. Donated it to Locks of Love. My hairdresser grilled me for about an hour before he took the first cut. It was a bit of a shock when I finally saw it, but I like it. Has taken some getting used to though. I've had to learn that it doesn't take nearly the amount of styling products as long hair did ☺ Fixing it was a bit frustrating, as there's not enough for a brush. Then I found out that I don't need to brush it...
The first day at work after the haircut was interesting. To say the least. Two coworkers walked right past me and had to come back to apologize for not saying hi. One group was sending people over "to look at" me. One person thought I'd been fired since someone else was sitting at my desk. Several people asked about the 'new girl'. One guy was like 'why are you talking to me?' until he realized he did actually know me. Even caught my boyfriend checking out chicks, before he recognized me (but it was ok, since it was me).
And, speaking of, here's a pic of him. He claims he likes my hair short. Which is good, since it'll be awhile before I have long hair again...
We have lots in common, including computers, bikes, guns, and animals. However, he's a dog person. I suppose that's ok, since his two are so adorable. That's them on the right (yeah, it's obvious, but you never know about some people...) Matzi is the closest and Aimee is in the back. Matzi's mostly gotten over barking at me every time he sees me. Can't wait until his 'kids' meet my 'kids'.
One of these days, I'll get a pic of him on his bike, a yellow Ducati ST4.
In other news, I won $100 at the Glock Match in Shreveport. Also won $50 at the casinos. And then there was this chocolate fountain... Learned how to eat crab legs. Mostly. And again, apologies to those on the other side of the table.
Um, 05/04: Keeping this site up is not nearly as entertaining as it used to be. The book on Dreamweaver and the ideas for a new layout are still sitting around gathering dust. I have added a few pictures, but mostly no changes for the last six months.
In March, my oldest brother called me from the hospital (to cancel a meeting at work, not to let me know he was in the freaking ER). Turns out his colon had ruptured and he had surgery that night. Mom, his girlfriend, and I spent the next week terrorizing the staff. Now I'm sure they see all sorts of things at the ER, but twice they referred to Denise as the wife and me as the girlfriend. While we were both in the room.
This happened about a week and a half before I was supposed to go to Germany for vacation. I did go (don't think he wanted to be responsible for me missing my trip) and had a great time. You can find photos --here--
While I was there, Scott proposed to Denise and she accepted.... after the vicodin wore off. I got word of it on April 1. Well, it's past April Fools and the prescription's run out, and they're still planning on tying the knot in Vegas in July. Everyone's asking me when I'm next. Haven't had my near-death experience yet...
I'm sure more has happened since last November, but those were the biggies, and who really cares anyway? Does anyone even make it this far down the page? Is it like watching one of those reality shows, but with good grammar? And how did we go from diaries with locks on them to publishing our journals on the Internet?
05/27: Got a chance to read the Dreamweaver book during Scott's second stay in the hospital. Oddly enough, the staff remembered us. *Shrugs* Don't know why....
Obviously, I didn't get the site itself updated, but I did get it started. Need to read the book on Fireworks, so the graphics are ready before I can finish.
01/08: I have totally been slacking on the updates. Got a few pictures added, but it's so much *work*... Ok, not so much work as I'm just lazy. Plus the online blog thing is just creepy. I think I'm just going to give up on the idea of redoing the site, especially considering all the existing links that would be broken and the fact that my host is case sensitive (what a freaking nightmare that has been, considering my editor is not.) Anyway, all boils down to I'm leaving it this way for now.
Here's a pic of the boyfriend and me, together, so that it doesn't look like I made him up and pasted some random picture of a guy on my site because I was afraid of being the crazy cat lady. Speaking of cats, Magic died, leaving me with one. The *sick* one. I don't really know how that works out...
Friends were watching him for me while I visited the boyfriend out of state and found him (Magic, not the boyfriend) dead one morning. He apparently went peacefully, but Prissy has missed him horribly. She howls constantly, looking for him. I had him cremated as well - Magic Dust. Prissy's just going to have to be buried, because there's nothing cute I can do with her name.
The big brother got married. Turns out it wasn't an April Fool's joke on me (or his fiancée) after all. They wed in Fabulous Las Vegas on July 7th. The timing was fortuitous, as Scott had gotten an invite for a slots tournament that week, with the room comp'ed for two nights. The entry fee was $99 and I won $50 in the tourney. Played Craps at a real live Vegas casino. All in all, a pretty good time.
Of course, everyone wants to know if I'm next. I'll let you know when I have my near death experience... (Unless the boyfriend's reading this, then I love you, Honey, and it's only my warped sense of humor that makes me say those horrible things. Of course I want to be with you for the rest of my life.)
05/01: Sometimes I wonder if anyone makes it this far down. And if they do, why? But then I don't get the whole blog thing, either. Especially the awards part. Are we voting on who has the most exciting life? Doesn't that make you wonder how those people have time to write in their blogs? Or am I the only one who thinks it sounds like Penthouse letters? *Sure* you did those things... *totally* believable...
So, anyway, onto my pseudo-blog... My friend Leigh and a friend of hers from Nebraska came down last weekend and we attended the Parelli 2005 Tour in Fort Worth. They stayed with me, since it was free, and slept in sleeping bags on the floor, since I only have one bed. (Come on, who has a guest room in a one bedroom apartment?). So, the Parelli system is a horse training method that uses the psychology of horses to get them to do what you want. I don't have a horse, nor do I expect to get one in my apartment, but I thought it might be useful information for dog training. So like the first thing Pat (Parelli, the guy who invented it) said was, "This doesn't apply to dogs." I was the ride, so I stayed anyway... Very entertaining. But the crowd would clap at every freaking thing he did. So every 15 seconds, we'd all have to clap like he hadn't done the same thing 10 minutes ago. However, it was free for me, so I lived.
Last Friday, I taught JA in a Day, in which the five lessons for Junior Achievement are completed, oddly enough, in one day. Cindy was able to go with me this year, and we had a great time. The kids wrote us thank you notes while we were at lunch. Very sweet. Still don't want one. I may post some pictures, when I get around to downloading them from my camera. I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you, unless you see them already in a future update.
Wave if you see me ☺